ATTITUDES THAT MY PARENTS HAD AND THAT AS A DIVORCED MOM I WOULD NOT WANT TO REPEAT

Making the decision to divorce is not something that is easy for any couple, but when there are also children involved, it is important to know how to act to try not to affect them too much and we can support them in this difficult process.

As the daughter of divorced parents, and now a divorced mother, I have been in both places and that is why today I would like to talk about what I lived during their separation and avoid some attitudes that my parents had and that as a divorced mom I would not want to repeat.

I think it is accurate to say that a separation or divorce is never in anyone's plans when a relationship or marriage begins. But hey, life goes around a lot and sometimes even if we try to make things work, it is best for everyone to take their way.

A few weeks ago I was telling here a little about my experience as a divorced mom, how I came to make that complicated decision and the challenges I faced after the separation.

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Although at the beginning things were not easy, little by little I have adapted to my new life where we are only my daughter and I at home. Like any divorce, there have been complicated moments, but it is important to always keep in mind that in any separation, children are the most important.

My experience as a daughter of divorced parents

When my parents separated, I had to be in that place, and although surely each experience and each case are unique and different, in my personal situation, it was very painful for me as a daughter to see certain attitudes or behaviors on their part.

Before continuing with some examples of actions or events that I would not like to repeat with my daughter, I want to clarify that I have a very good relationship with my mother and father separately, and I have no grudges or similar feelings.

I think nobody is born knowing how to be a father and we all learn great lessons about practice. In the case of my parents and their divorce, I think they did the best they could with the knowledge and tools they had in their hands.

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That said, I share some things that as a daughter I would have liked to be different, not only to remind myself not to repeat them, but so that if there is someone else who is going through a separation, know the point of view of someone whose parents divorced, as well as those mistakes that we may make without realizing.

Attitudes that my parents had when they separated and that I didn't want to repeat

Some of the things that my parents did, surely without the intention that my sister and I had a bad time, but that also caused us sadness and pain, were the following:

Express everything they felt, especially the negative. While it is healthy for our children to see how we express and manage our emotions so that they also learn, we must be careful when expressing negative feelings. It is easy for us as adults to understand that someone is upset and wants to let off steam, but for a child it is difficult to understand and could get a wrong impression.

Pass the blame or courage on the children. This is a bit related to the previous point, because if we pass the limit and do not handle our emotions well, we can transmit those feelings to the children, making them feel bad or guilty, when they are not responsible for what happened between parents.

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Speak badly about the former partner. This is something that unfortunately is very common in separations and divorce proceedings, but that we must avoid at all costs, thus avoiding interfering in the relationship that children have with our former partner.

Many times this is done with the intention of manipulating the beliefs or opinions of the children about the other parent, something that is also known as parental alienation. For me it is a very important point and I have always tried to fulfill what happened between my daughter's father and me, should not interfere in her relationship with him. In time, she will know or know how or why things happened, if necessary.

Of course, a divorce is a difficult process, but let's not forget that our children are present and that they are always listening to us. In previous years it was perhaps not easy to find information on how to bring the issue of divorce when there are children involved, but now it is easier to find out and know how divorce affects children and what we can do or not parents to get it better with them.

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