Being assertive allows children to understand that they have rights, that they can ask us for help, makes them be respectful, with themselves and with others ... and have good self-esteem. Assertiveness is not something you are born with, but it is taught: we tell you how to teach your child to be assertive.
What is assertiveness?
There are three great ways to behave with others: the passive, aggressive and assertive style.
He passive It is characterized by silence, for not expressing their needs "for not disturbing", because those of others go before or because ... why? They don't ask because they don't believe that others will spend their time helping them.
We are passive when we let others choose (movie, menu, destiny or bigger things), when after we get angry for not having said what we really wanted.
The passive child is the one who lets others choose the game, the one who says nothing, but then feels sad because "you never play what I want."
He aggressive He expresses his needs, yes, but the worst possible way, with bad forms and making others feel bad. In addition, he does not see them as needs but as mandates that have to be attended to yes or yes.
A child with an aggressive style (not to confuse with aggressive behavior, because it is not the same) is the one that monopolizes the game, being “a bossy”, the one who shouts when he wants something, the one who tells the other that his toy is a poop because yours is more cool.
In Babies and more, seven keys to teach your child to defend themselves without using violenceFor his part the person assertive It is one that expresses and demands that their needs be met while empathically respecting those of others. The assertive child talks about how he feels, what he likes and what he doesn't (and this is key, we'll see later), proposes and not only gets carried away.
Why is it important for our children to be assertive?
Assertiveness helps us achieve what we want, what we need, but it also leads us to love each other, to respect ourselves, and others.
Assertive children (and adults):
- Resolve conflicts better (and they feel less bad with them). This means that they make a better emotional management of the situation, with a lower component of frustration.
- They make friends more easily.
- As you know that your opinion, your ideas and your actions matter and must be respected They have better self-esteem.
- Have self confidence and they know that they can say no, which is very important for many things, including preventing abuse or bullying in school.
- They are also less likely to bully other children, since they understand the importance of respecting others.
- They are more empathetic
In Babies and more How to teach your child to be optimisticAssertive rights
There are a number of assertive rights that it is worthwhile for our children to learn and integrate, they are the best basis for being assertive adults. Among those rights, five especially important ones stand out:
- Right to have your own opinion, ideas and beliefs.
- Right to ask for help (physical or emotional).
- Right to feel and express pain.
- Right to be treated with dignity:
- Right to say no.
How can we teach our child to be more assertive?
As I always tell you, because it is true, not for anything else, the best way to teach our children something is with the example. The good thing about this, the wonderful thing about being parents, is that teaching them forces us in some way to put it into practice as well, and it is phenomenal for us! If you tend to be passive or aggressive you will see what a difference!
In Babies and more Five things that can easily escape, but you should avoid telling your childrenDay by day puts us thousands of situations in which to display our assertiveness. For example:
1. Calling for our rights to be respected without being aggressive
Yes someone slips in the supermarket queue We could be passive and say nothing, let it sneak into our face and then, in the car, lament because we have been strained.
We could also be aggressive and set up a figure worthy of a Tarantino movie, making everyone feel bad, starting with our son. Or we could be assertive and calmly tell that person that there is a queue, which is our turn, that please be placed at the end of the line and pay us. Without scandals, without insulting, without history bothering us beyond what is necessary.
2. Saying no
It is also important that you hear us say "no", that you see that those things you are not comfortable with say "no". Example: "My boss has asked me to take hours again, and they won't pay me and I'm the only one ... ... so I said no."
If they see that we accept everything, that we put the needs of others Ours will learn to do so too.
3. Listening when they speak to us, with attention
The active listeningPaying attention when they talk to us, when they tell us something, is the best way to show respect and therefore, when it comes to meaningful relationships, affection.
If your little one is going to tell you something, pay attention to him, especially if he tells you about his feelings or about his relationships with his friends. It will feel good and you will also understand that listening is important.
4. Respect your child
He is small but has the right to have an opinion, that this opinion is not the same as yours or that he does not like something you propose. And not only that: he has the right to have all this in mind.
Eye this It doesn't mean we have to accept all your negatives (the stage of "No" would be the currency then "), but to make him see that we listen to his opinions, that we weigh them ... we must talk to them, negotiate and present them arguments, do not return a "no for a no".
5. Allow and encourage him to express his emotions
"Don't go crying for this". Have you ever said something like that to your son? Many of us have never escaped, but we must try to avoid it. What is silly to us is important to them and it makes no sense that we force them not to externalize what they feel, to deny what they feel.
By minimizing, obviating or denying your emotional expression we are telling you that you should not talk about how you feel, that your emotions are not important or that annoy, and this favors that they develop instead of assertiveness, the passive or aggressive style.
Being assertive will make your child feel better about himself, that he treats others better, that he has better self-esteem. Being assertive "vaccinates you" against future emotional distressIt gives you the basis to become a happy adult, and best of all, as you have seen, you can teach. Start tomorrow!
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In Babies and more How to teach your child to be optimistic
